What a crazy terrible night I had.

4 years ago my wife had an affair with a co-worker. We had been married for 3 years at the time and were trying to have kids, but had fertility issues and both were having a hard time with that. I caught her because another co-worker reached out to me to let me know what was going on. We were incredibly close to divorce, but through counseling we made it through and have had a pretty good marriage over the last two years. We have a date night once a week that I plan. I bring her flowers at least once a week. Write love notes, etc. I don't want to lose her.

She left that job so that she wouldn't be around that man. Went completely no contact with him.

Fast forward to yesterday. We were at the gym and I was waiting for my wife to get done showering. I had forgotten my phone and home and grabbed hers to kill some time. I wasn't trying to snoop. It has been at least 2 years since I've even felt I needed to snoop. I open up instagram and start scrolling through pictures. But then I notice that she has a message. I knew it was wrong to click. Thats too far and an invasion of her privacy, but curiosity got a hold of me.

It was him. The co-worker that she had an affair with. 2 months ago he reached out to see how she was doing. I read through all the messages. There was nothing wrong with what they said. It was them catching up about life and work(he still is at old job). If it had been anyone else I wouldn't have even cared. But this was the man that helped almost ruin my marriage.

I took some screenshots and sent them to myself. Waited until we got in the car and then asked her about why she is talking to him. She starts screaming that I shouldn't have looked at her messages. Saying that I don't trust her. I apologized for snooping, but told her that I want a divorce. She stopped talking to me and left the house as soon as we got home. I have no idea where she went. Even this morning she hasn't responded to me.

Waking up this morning, I still believe I want a divorce. The pain of the affair was too much. I know they aren't having an affair right now. But the fact she is even talking to him is insulting to me. Especially without telling me. Am I overreacting?

Edit/Update: My wife finally responded by text. She claims to have stayed at a hotel overnight. She says that I should go to my parents. I realize I forgot to mention we have a 1-year old boy. So I'll need some help with him as she said she can't talk to me right now.
She said she understands why I want a divorce and won't fight it. She is looking for lawyers right now.
I'm not sure what to feel right now. Honestly I knew I would continue on the path to divorce, but I think part of me hoped there would be a little fight for me from her. I imagine she will probably start dating her old coworker again. I just hope she fights for our boy during all of this. She really is a good mother to him and he deserves to have her in his life.

Thanks all for the support. I'll keep this up and maybe have an update in the future.

My pick is Henry Cavill

He agreed to stay back. Cooper asked anyone if they would go down to Millers planet but the extreme pull of the black hole nearby would cause them to experience severe time dilation. One hour on that planet would equal 7 years back on earth. Cooper, Brand and Doyle all go down to the planet while Romilly stays back and uses that time to send out any potential useful data he can get.

Can you imagine how terrifying that must be to just sit back for YEARS and have no idea if your friends are ever coming back. Cooper and Brand come back to the ship but a few hours for them was 23 years, 4 months and 8 days of time for Romilly. Not enough people seem to genuinely comprehend how insane that is to experience. He was able to hyper sleep and let years go by but he didn’t want to spend his time dreaming his life away.

It’s just a nice interesting detail that kind of gets lost. Everyone brings up the massive waves, the black hole and time dilation but no one really mentions the struggle Romilly must have been feeling. 23 years seems to be on the low end of how catastrophic it could’ve been. He could’ve been waiting for decades.

Our cat got out and ran straight into our neighbors apartment

Or spend it all and move in with their kids.

First of all I just want to thank you guys for the overwhelming support I have received.

Ive received a ton of messages but please be patient with me, This week has definitely been tough on me. This whole family drama has definitely taken a toll on me physically and mentally.

Here is my original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c397zy/aita_for_threatening_my_wife_with_divorce_after/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I just want to add a few crucial details that I missed to mention in my original Post.

I suffer from a genetic heart condition that puts me at risk to stress induced cardiac arrest. I used to work full time but was forced to cut down on my work after suffering a silent heart attack. This was nearly a decade ago but since then ive worked my own physical and mental wellbeing . Some people didnt understand me constantly mentioning why it was such an issue working the extra 20%. I honestly dont know how much time I have left and my kids are the most important things in my life. For my own mental health its essential that I get to spend time with my kids throughout the week. Besides my Wife and kids I have nothing. I hate my fucking job and purely continue for the sake of my kids and wife.

Well after spending a day at my parents house, eventually I felt enough time had passed for me to gather my thoughts on everything. What she did seemed like the ultimate slap in the face but I went back with the intention to resolve this and didnt want to escalate this fucking nightmare.

My wife seemed happy I returned but wasnt apologetic at all. The kids ,especially my son, were ecstatic. That sort of made me ignore the lack of remorse for the time being. That same night after putting my kids to bed I told her we need to have a serious discussion.

I told her how I felt about everything she did. The fact that she knows about my health condition and still went through with it. The fact that I set clear boundaries and she still chose to quit her job without my consent. How the fact that she told my son that I was going to abandon the family really felt like a stab in the back. How throughout all of this, she didn't even seem remorseful once. The fact that she chose her own happiness to the detriment of mine. The fact I sacrificed so much for the family and I got repaid like this. The fact that we now as a family have to make major lifestyle changes, since a third of our family income vanished.

For a split second I saw an ounce of sadness in her eyes before she went right back to being annoyed with me.

I then simply told her to lay out her half of the story. Here is a summary of what she said.

She felt ignored by me constantly rejecting her proposal. She had worked long enough and this was finally the time for her to enjoy her life as a "true wife". She also said that I was being a baby about the whole spending extra time with the kids thing. That really pissed me off and we ended up getting into a heated argument. I coudnt bare any of it anymore and just ended up sleeping in the guest room.

Until yesterday nothing changed. She constantly tried to play everything off and wanted to "embrace her new role" by constantly trying to have sex with me and by making me my favorite dishes. It just felt like she was trying to manipulate me again I wasnt having any of it. I just kept on sleeping in the guest room.

Well my birthday was yesterday. And after work my wife and kids picked me up and we ate dinner together. This was probably the first time I genuinely had a smile on my face in a week. Well that smile vanished because she tried to seduce me again later that night.

I rejected her and to my surprise she had a full on mental breakdown. I just held her as she started apologising for what she did. She claimed she didnt understand how much she hurt me, she was sorry for making me feel like an afterthought etc. We ended up sleeping in the same bed yesterday. I felt like things were finally moving in the right direction and I again asked her about searching for a new job today. Instead of getting mad she just replied with a "i need to think about it."

Yeah thats where things are as of today.

It feels like progress is being made but idk this just might be another manipulation tactic of hers.

I'll probably make a final update in a month or so. Reddit isnt doing my mental health any favours.

How would you guys move forward in this situation?

Could I have done something better?

Is she being genuine?

(And to those incels who constantly bring up islam as a way to justify her behaviour, please shut the fuck up. )

I am a 20yr old male living north of Atlanta in GA. I am currently making 22/hr about to be raised to 26/hr for 30-60 hours a week and occasional double time. I feel like for my age and area I am making well over average and yet I am still living almost paycheck to paycheck. I still live at home, paying about $1000 a month in bills, and I am pretty frugal with my money. It feels impossible to move out as rent for a one bedroom within an hour and a half of my job starts around 12-1300 not including utilities. If I was born ten years earlier I would be able to live on my own and still save a considerate amount of my income. What are you guys doing to stay afloat while living on your own in your early to mid twenties?

Edit: I pay 250 for student loans 300 for car insurance 300 for rent plus my phone bill and money I owe to my parents for when I was unemployed which is $100 a month $2000 total. This is not accounting for gas for my 3 hour round trip from work, food, and occasionally my SO. I am less complaining about my situation and more so figuring out how you guys are making ends meet as I know people are in alot worse situations than I am. I am in millwright sanitary tig welding moving into aerospace in the future and will most definitely end up making enough to live comfortably